You Almost Made Me Write Again…

At some point in your life, if you’re lucky, you’ll meet the one person who can bring it all together for you, help the rest of your life to make sense.-

I wasn’t made to languish under fluorescent lighting; it washes me out. But seriously, my pieces just don’t fit into the corporate puzzle. Or maybe I just don’t fit into the tyrannically-crafted mold of the corporation I currently work in. Whatever the case, my world has been washed out in fluorescent-lit emotional pain. 3 years ago, I dropped everything I once loved – suffocated the muse with an unfortunately necessary green, paper pillow… I needed a roof over my head more than I needed laughter, health, happiness, the written word, all that Maslow shit.

Work is fucking killing me. Most people say this, but I really mean it. I die a little more every day that I spend there. The misery and fear, it’s palpable. The sickly-sweet scent of Kool-Aid permeates my nostrils and I hold back the verbal filth I so wish to spew at everyone around me for the sake of  “professionalism”. If I wasn’t crying at my desk, I was crying in the bathroom. Most often I cried in the shower. One time I threatened to kill myself right before everyone showed up for Thanksgiving dinner. There was no feasible exit route – my life is now this company. Do or die. And I would rather die.

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The Basics of Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

I began my journey to a healthier lifestyle this past March, so it’s actually been only 5 months… but it feels like I’ve been doing it for much longer. I feel as if I’ve gained a year of knowledge in just a few months. I get a lot of questions and incredulous looks when I mention that I’ve gone “95% Vegan” (I’m still transitioning, and I’m a firm believer in YOLO, so cheese and milk [from chocolate] still sneaks into my diet sometimes.) The top questions that I receive are as follows:

  1. No meat?! What do you eat?!

  2. Is the Vegan diet expensive?

  3. Is it difficult to find food for a vegan diet at non-specialty grocery stores, e.g. Publix/Kroger? Where do you shop?

  4. Is it difficult/time consuming to cook your meals all of the time?

  5. Please share your recipes!

I’m going to answer all of those questions in this post, as well as provide tips and tricks to get you started and keep you going on a healthy journey of your own. When you’re ready for the first step in your transition, read further for all of the information that you’ll need. Continue reading

REVIEW: Tomb Raider (2013)

It’s taken me awhile to get started on this review; partly because I wanted to watch the boyfriend’s play-through and gather my thoughts from it, as I prefer to enjoy the experience my first time through, but also because severe writer’s block has been my plague recently. With that being said, I guess I can just dive right in.

via gametrailers.com

Tomb Raider has been “re-made” four times to date, the first in 2003 with the ill-fated Angel of Darkness, featuring a Lara Croft completely unfamiliar to her devoted fan-base; dark and haunted by the death of her mentor/competitor Von Croy and on the run from the Gendarme. The controls were horrible, the supernatural story line too far fetched even for the biggest Lara lover, and was deemed a critical failure that resulted in the demise of Core Design/Eidos as we knew them. Tomb Raider was then (still unofficially) redesigned for the second time in 2006 after Crystal Dynamics acquired the title, introducing us to Tomb Raider: Legend (followed up by a sequel, Underworld, in 2008). While disappointingly short, this game was a satisfying step in the right direction – Lara was back to her globe-trotting ways, maneuvering through trap-laden tombs and killing baddies in the pre-Call of Duty style. Legend and Underworld were worthy, if slightly underwhelming, successors to AOD. Lara Croft’s penultimate revision was in 2007’s Anniversary, wherein Crystal Dynamics (taking over the mantle from Core Design, who’s original attempt had the possibility of being completely awesome, and of whose permanent shelving fans will always be resentful) redesigned and re-imagined the original Tomb Raider for it’s ten year anniversary. The game was a highly enjoyable blast from the past, igniting our fever for re-boots (a Tomb Raider 2: The Dagger of Xian re-boot is every fan’s Holy Grail, with petitions still circulating the internet) and indulging our penchant toward nostalgia.

None of the previous re-boots filled me with as much dread as Tomb Raider (2013) did. Continue reading

Intellectual Conversation: It’s Back… And Bitches Be Crazy!

I lied.

Turns out, I don’t like keeping my silence. I am unable to stand idly by with an umbrella in-hand while bullshit is being thrown all over the innocents. I enjoy coaxing out the hypocrites, the insane, the blustery, the annoying, the misinformed, and the assholes, just so I can poke them in the pudge and run away in high-pitched giggles. Inevitably, I always get bitten in the process, but whatever, the wound heals and in the end they’re the ones that end up looking like idiots. So, for your enjoyment, I am now including an argument (dated late October 2012 and held on Facebook, of course) that I would classify to be by far the worst and most annoying argument I have ever been involved in. 

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A Musical Interlude

Fittingly, The Love Song by The Cure is streaming from Pandora – “Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again.”

I have wanted to write something about my beloved for awhile now, but at the risk of becoming too saccharine and ultimately boring, I have so far avoided the joy-filled topics in favor of the dark and gloomy; it’s much more entertaining to read of the demise of my sanity than the rebuilding of it. But on this Valentine’s Day, I am feeling the call to pay tribute to the biggest blessing so far in my life: The Boyfriend.

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But You Have Such a Pretty Face….

This post is not about fat acceptance. It is not about fat shame. This post is about the pain that we all feel. It’s a post of solidarity.


In my widened child eyes, Wal-Mart is a candy-coated carnival of amazement. Fluorescent lights stand in for the shine of the ferris wheel; there’s the wafting scent of McDonald’s hamburgers in place of popcorn; but the Carnies nevertheless remain the same. A trip to Wal-Mart is a rare and special treat, and this time it is made more significant because I am with my Granny, who is taking me shopping for new school clothes. There’s nothing like the excitement of having someone else pay for everything. After dawdling for a bit in the toy section, gazes of longing tossed over my shoulder like salt, Granny coaxes me into the little girl’s clothing section. As any child does when given free rein, I immediately rush forward like the front row mosh-soldiers at a rock concert and grab any clothing item that is neon, impractical, and/or hideous. With a heap of clothing in my arms rising to just under my pupils, I make my way into the dressing room.  Continue reading

Sex in the (Gotham) City

This past July, in the new Amazing Spider-Man film, Andrew Garfield’s lanky Spider Man creepy-crawls around Manhatten knocking out baddies with his sardonic wit. The only thought in my mind during the viewing of this film (aside from how amazingly awesome this reboot is actually) is how much I want to take this Spidey to bed. I want to tie him to the bedposts with his own web-sling and fuck him until he forgets all about Gwen Stacey. This is one spider that will eat the female when its all over, if you get my drift. This led me to realize what I believe is missing in super hero films gone awry: sex appeal for the modern, self-actualized woman.  Continue reading